Talking Dirty 101

Talking dirty is a great way to ramp things up in the bedroom or start a little foreplay long before you’re ready to retire to the bedroom. Many people, however, find talking dirty downright awkward. They know what they want to say, but when it comes out of their mouth, it feels uncomfortable — and that uncomfortable feeling can quickly ruin the mood.

The good news is, you’re not alone. Many people struggle with talking dirty, so you’re certainly not the first to wonder where to start! The better news is, we’re here to help. With this simple guide, you can learn more about heating things up inside the bedroom — and on your way there.

Step One: Get Comfortable Talking About Sex

One of the biggest mistakes many people make in their relationships is that they simply aren’t comfortable talking about sex with their partners. Doing it isn’t necessarily a problem. Talking about it, however, brings on stammers and stutters.

Get comfortable talking about sex with your partner. Develop your own code, if you like, especially if you have children still in your home and you don’t want them to overhear (or understand what they’re overhearing). Ask your partner what they like and what they don’t like. Discuss new things the two of you might like to try, from adding a vibrator like Crescendo or Tenuto to your bedroom play to trying out a new personal lubricant. As you talk more about sex, you’ll find that it gets easier to talk dirty. Sure, those discussions may start out clinical, but there’s nothing clinical about the relationship between you and your partner, as you’ll quickly discover when you open the door to more of those intimate chats. 

Step Two: Learn Your Partner’s Fantasies

Most people indulge in a fantasy every once in a while, especially when they masturbate. What is your partner daydreaming about — and how can your dirty talk play into that? You may find that your partner has a few specific things that he’d love to hear you say, or that she would get incredibly turned on hearing you talk through a specific scenario. Learning what your partner wants is a great place to get started, and can increase your confidence so that the next time you’re ready to talk dirty, you’re more comfortable with it. 

Step Three: Start with the Simple

When you head into the bedroom with your partner, especially when you’re just getting ramped up, keep it simple: talk about what you want. What is it that you genuinely can’t wait for your partner to do to you in that moment? The imagination can be a powerful tool in the bedroom, especially for women, who often struggle to get in the mood when their heads aren’t in the right place. As arousal increases, you may start imagining exactly what you want your partner to do next. 

You can’t wait for him to go down on you. You’d love to feel her tongue slipping across your head. His hands would feel amazing on your breasts. Are you hoping to try out something new during this particular session — or perhaps during the immediate future? Tell your partner exactly what you’re daydreaming about. Be as explicit as you like. After all, this is the person you want to share those passionate moments with! If you want, for example, to introduce Crescendo into your play, talk about how you’d love to have a specific area stimulated while your partner performs another action — or how you’d love to use it to stimulate your partner while they do something else entirely to you.  

Once you’ve moved past foreplay, you can still tell your partner what you want to do next or what you’re waiting for.  How are you imagining reaching orgasm? Where would you like to be? What would you like to be doing? Where do you want your partner? Use the language that makes you most comfortable.

Step Four: Describe Your Pleasure

“I love it when you [X].” 

“You make me feel amazing.”

“I can’t wait for you to cum for me.” 

As the pleasure ramps up in the bedroom, words often fall away. You’ll find, however, that adding a little dirty talk to your bedroom play can increase your excitement level as well as increasing your communication with your partner, which can ultimately increase your pleasure. Tell your partner how you’re feeling. Describe not just what you want them to do next, but also exactly what they’re getting right and how much you love it. Feel free to describe the sensation of him inside you or her wrapped around you. Let your partner get an up close and personal explanation of exactly how you’re feeling, and watch how it increases the pleasure for both of you. 

Giving feedback to your partner during sex is another aspect of dirty talk that can ultimately pay off for both of you. Sometimes, your silence is a sign that you’re genuinely enjoying something, your stillness an indication that your partner has hit just the right spot and you don’t want it to end. Your partner, however, may worry that they’re getting it wrong — and as a result, it may end the foreplay for the time being. Instead, talk about it. Tell your partner what they’re getting right. They’ll love the feedback, and you’ll love that they stay with that perfect strategy for just a little longer. 

Step Five: Tell Your Partner What You Like About Him/Her

One of the sexiest things you can do in the bedroom is describing what you like best about your partner. Try, for example, some of these strategies. 

“I love the way you make me feel so [X].” Do you feel tiny wrapped up in his arms? Does her small stature make you feel like you’re handling something priceless? Describe the way your partner makes you feel and how much you love it. 

“I love your [insert favorite body part here].” You’re in the bedroom, so your focus may be on the traditional erotic areas: breasts, butt, genitals. Sometimes, however, those aren’t the things that are the biggest turn-on. Do you, for example, love the way his big, strong hands feel as they run all over your body? Love the feeling of her smaller hands sliding around you for the first time? What about her lips, or his sexy little smile just before he enters you for the first time? Tell your partner what it is that’s turning you on: that special something that sends a little extra thrill running through your blood and adds just a little extra heat to the bedroom.

“I love how you [your favorite thing here].” Sometimes, it’s the little things in the bedroom that you enjoy the most — some of them things that your partner may not even realize they’re doing. 

Step Six: Learn to Talk Dirty Outside the Bedroom

dirty talk 101

Once you get past that initial shyness, it may be easier to talk dirty in the bedroom than it is to let that kind of talk see the light of day. Dirty talk, however, can be an incredible kind of foreplay- — one that you can engage in no matter where your partner is or how far away you might be from one another. In fact, dirty talk is a great way to let your partner know that you might be interested in a little something extra in the evening, or that there’s something in particular that you’re looking forward to.

Whisper in your partner’s ear. This is a great strategy when you’re together, but in public. Slip up beside your partner, lean in close, and keep your voice low. Tell him how great he looks in that tux or how well his running pants highlight his assets. Tell her she’s looking particularly gorgeous, or that the way she’s biting her lower lip is turning you on a little more every moment. Then, move on with your normal activities as though nothing has changed — and watch the tension start to increase.

Send in an explicit, dirty text early in the day. Let your partner know exactly what you’re imagining for later in the afternoon. Then, when your partner gets home, put your words into action and make that fantasy come to life! Sending that dirty talk via text message is also a great way to start building your confidence and getting more comfortable with dirty talk in general.

Cuddle up at the end of the night, rest your hand on your partner’s inner thigh, and murmur what you’d like to do to them. If you’re alone, this is a great way to move things straight to the bedroom. If you’re not, it can help increase anticipation or speed things along so that you can end the evening sooner — or at least get your own private party started.

Are you ready to introduce a little more fun into the bedroom? Have you discovered that your partner can’t wait to add a vibrator to your bedroom play? Contact us today to learn more about how the MysteryVibe products can help expand your sexual repertoire, increase your pleasure, and bring you and your partner closer than ever. 

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Your Ultimate Male Sexual Health Inventory 2019

Responsible people make sure they have a wellness checkup at least annually. For men, this should include a sexual health inventory.

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Healthy Changes That Can Improve Your Sex Life in 2020

With 2020 fast approaching, many people are making New Year’s resolutions. This year, what if you could make a few healthy changes and resolutions that won’t just improve your overall health and energy levels, but that will boost your libido, as well? Set yourself up for success in 2020 with some of these key healthy changes that can help with sexual health, too. 

1. Get More Active

fitness class improve sex life

Regular activity doesn’t just improve your overall health and help you have more energy. It can also improve your overall sexual health and your staying power. You’ll get more enjoyment out of sex when you’re gasping from pleasure, rather than lack of air. In 2020, find a form of physical activity that you genuinely enjoy. You don’t have to lace up a pair of running shoes and go for a long run, though that’s certainly a great way to get more active! Check out a new dance or exercise class, play a new sport, or find a workout video that you genuinely enjoy doing. As you work out, you’ll also become more comfortable in your own skin, which can translate to confidence in the bedroom.

Want a sexually positive bonus from your athletic endeavors? Consider finding something that you can enjoy with your partner. Getting sweaty together can be an incredible turn-on!

Keep in mind that many athletic activities can have unexpected sexual benefits. For example:

Building strength can improve the range of positions you can use. Whether you’re male or female, you’ll discover that there are some definite advantages to many strength-building exercises, which can help you enjoy a wider range of positions and activities. Pick up those weights or try some bodyweight activities that will help build that vital strength.

Building endurance can help keep you going longer. Cardio isn’t just great for heart health. It can also help keep you going longer in bed, whether you’re looking for a long, slow solo session or a fantastic session with your partner. Go for a long walk or run, check out the elliptical at the gym, or try out a long bike ride. 

Building flexibility will allow you to remain more comfortable throughout your sex sessions. Flexibility is critical for reaching some of your favorite positions. If you lose that flexibility, you may find yourself struggling to get into some of the best positions. Luckily, both yoga and stretching can help rebuild that vital flexibility. 

2. Check Your Diet

You know that a healthy diet can help increase your energy, help you lose weight, and even make your skin and hair appear healthier. What many people do not realize, however, is that a healthy diet can also improve your sex life. Onions, garlic, chili and hot peppers, and bananas can all help improve blood flow. Eating a wide variety of fruits and vegetables can, overall, increase your energy levels, which could make you more eager to engage with your partner. Of course, a little chocolate in your diet can also act as an aphrodisiac! 

3. Masturbate More Often

If you’re struggling with sexual health, including struggling to get or stay aroused, masturbation could be the secret to a healthier sex life. Masturbation has a number of key advantages:

  • The more often your body gets sexual stimulation, the more likely it is to want it–which means that solo masturbation can set you up for increased desire for and pleasure with your partner.
  • Through masturbation, you will develop a better idea of what you like, which can help improve your enjoyment in the bedroom. 
  • Masturbation can help reduce stress, making you feel better as you go about your other daily activities–and as you head into the bedroom with your partner. 

Are you looking for ways to take masturbation–or, for that matter, sex–to the next level? Check out Crescendo and Tenuto, the amazing MysteryVibe vibrators. These vibrators can be fully customized to bring you maximum pleasure in every session. Crescendo can also be bent and shaped any way you like, making it the perfect vibrator for multiple types of stimulation. 

4. Find Ways to Reduce Stress

When you’re stressed out, it’s hard to focus on bedroom activities. It doesn’t take much before stress starts to chip away at your sex life–not to mention leaving you with raised blood pressure, decreased enjoyment of life, and a sharper temper, which could make you more likely to snap at your partner. Try some of these strategies to reduce stress as 2020 arrives.

Remove unnecessary activities or requirements from your schedule. Have you developed a habit of saying “yes” to everything, even when it’s no longer enjoyable? Are you busy every night of the week? Clear your schedule of things that you no longer enjoy and do not wish to do. You may instantly feel some of the stress lift off of your shoulders–and you’ll make more time for your partner at the same time. 

Go to bed a little earlier. A good night’s sleep has its own health benefits, which we’ll discuss in a moment. By going to bed a little earlier, however, you’ll also stop scrolling social media or mindlessly staring at the television while you still have a little energy left–which could spark a little extra activity once you’re actually in bed.

Set aside a little time for yourself. You’ll find that, when you’re relaxed, it’s much easier to handle the sources of stress that, some days, seem to be coming at you from all sides. Choose something that helps you relax and that you enjoy doing, whether it’s taking a warm bath, going for a long walk, or spending time with a good book. Being more relaxed can also help you be more open to sexual activity, whether that’s experimenting with something new or just cuddling up with your partner for a steamy session. 

5. Check Your Sleep Schedule

sleep

Around 1 in 3 adults regularly fail to get enough sleep at night. As a result, they walk around chronically sleep-deprived, feeling as though any disruption to their sleep schedule could be enough to push them over the edge. They’re tired. They’re stressed and short-tempered. The more time goes on, the more that lack of sleep wears on most people.

You may be surprised by the simple benefits of getting enough sleep. With adequate sleep, your immune system and heart function improve. Your blood sugar stays better regulated. Just as importantly, you may find that you’re sharper and more energetic throughout the day, with improved cognitive processing ability. 

Equally beneficial is the change that a good night’s sleep can make in your libido: when you get enough sleep, you’re more likely to be in the mood for either solo or partner sexual play. You’ll be more responsive to your partner, more creative, and more ready to enjoy time together, rather than simply wanting to fall off to sleep as soon as you get in bed. 

6. Commit to Trying Something New

If you want to achieve new results for your health and fitness, commit to trying something new this year. Not only is it a great way to shake things up in your exercise routine or to find something new to try for your diet, it’s the perfect way to keep your mind engaged and excited. This year, commit to trying something new on a regular basis. You might want to:

Try out a new type of exercise each month. Visit a new exercise class, either alone or with your partner. Shake up your routine by going to run or walk at a different location. Play a new exercise video. It’s easy to get stuck in a rut–but variety is the spice of life in more ways than one!

Try a new sexual position or activity. Check out a new toy with your partner (Crescendo or Tenuto could bring something amazing to the bedroom!). It will bring a new level of excitement to the bedroom while encouraging both of you to learn more about exactly what you like and how you like it. 

Experiment with cooking new foods. Check out the latest health trend. Take a cooking class to learn how to prepare something new. Watch a video online together. Not only will it add variety to your life, you may discover that it adds a little extra spice to more than just your cooking. 

As you try out new things in other areas of your life, you’ll find that it becomes easier to remain more adventurous and try out many of the other opportunities in front of you. Sometimes, that rush of adrenaline is an aphrodisiac of its own. Other times, it will help make you more creative and engaged when you do come to bed with your partner. 

This year, it’s time to shake up your health and improve both your physical and sexual health. Ready to try something new in the bedroom or add an increased level of pleasure? Contact us today to learn more about the MysteryVibe products, which can help improve both sexual pleasure and function–not to mention bringing something new to your bedroom for the new year. 

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One last birthday card for Scarleteen!

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Let Your Representatives Know: It’s Time to Fund Comprehensive Sex Education!

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Pussypedia: A Bilingual, Body-Positive, Inclusive Digital Space

Who knew a discussion with an ex-boyfriend about squirting would set Pussypedia co-founder Zoe Mendelson on a quest across the internet in search of trustworthy, fact-based sexual health information about her body that led to starting a bilingual, diverse, and inclusive digital encyclopedia? (Not Zoe!) We talked to her to find out all about this new resource and Zoe’s experience making it.

Pussypedia is a free, diverse, inclusive, and beautiful community-sourced project launched this year by cofounders Zoe Mendelson and María Conejo with the help of over 200 global volunteers from three different continents.

It’s also completely bilingual – in both Spanish and English, which puts Pussypedia into a league of its own. We’re excited to be connected with them at Scarleteen because they represent a new generation of reproductive justice and sexual health pioneers: intersectional, inclusive and unafraid to challenge old paradigms!

Who knew that a discussion with an ex-boyfriend about squirting would set Zoe on a quest across the internet in search of trustworthy, fact-based sexual health information about her body? (Not Zoe!) This elusive search eventually inspired Zoe and Maria to create Pussypedia. I had a conversation with Zoe to find out more.

Where did you grow up and where’s home for you now?

I grew up on the north side of Chicago. I went to college at Barnard in New York and studied Urban Planning. I stayed after I graduated and worked for the city. After that, I started writing and I moved to Mexico where I started doing some ad agency work and my own projects, like a data narrative about drones and a few other things that I just did for fun. My last big project was Pussypedia and that has been the last two years.

What took you to Mexico?

My dad and grandfather grew up in Chicago but moved to Mexico. We’re white Jews. Everyone thinks I look Latina but I’m not. There’s actually a big Jewish community here. Fun Fact: the current Mayor of Mexico City, where I live, is also Jewish.

How did you build your site?

I wanted to make Pussypedia, but I didn’t know how. I shopped it around. I tried to get sponsors, but nobody would touch it. Around that time, I was doing a fundraiser after the earthquake in Mexico City, selling these tote bags [for it], and ended up meeting a woman from from Kickstarter who invited me to sell the bags for a new campaign on the platform called “Mexico Creates.” I was honest with them and told her I didn’t really want to do that, but I had another project (which is now Pussypedia). She said, “Let’s do it!” The Kickstarter team was very helpful and guided us through the process. The night before we launched our campaign, they suggested we lower our goal. We were only looking for $8K USD (160,000 pesos), but that was considered high for a Mexican Kickstarter campaign.

We made the goal in three days. In fact, we ended up almost tripling it — bringing our total budget to $20K USD. Although that was a lot, we realized it still wouldn’t be enough for the entire project. Originally we thought we’d make a prototype. But then we were like, “Screw it. Let’s just do this.” We had 20,000 bucks which ended up being enough for a developer, the consultants, the website design, hosting…the bare bones.

The rest was and has since been the work of volunteers. We’ve partnered with 200 people from all over the world! They have volunteered their time to write, illustrate, edit content, factcheck content, translate, and consult for us on lots of different things. People have collected resources for us and have also helped produce events.

person saying: consentimeinto con sentimientoTell us more about your cofounder, Maria. What’s her background and what was role in building Pussypedia? We were introduced by my brother and became best friends when I moved to Mexico City. I’ve always loved her art work; it confronts the stigmatization and hypersexualization of the female body while celebrating women’s sexuality. Maria’s art reflects liberation, not shame. When I called her up to ask for help with this project, she was all in!

Any other people behind the scenes we should know about?

Jackie Jahn and Michael Yap are two of our other major contributors. Jackie has a PhD in public health from Harvard where she focuses on gender issues. She designed the research process, the fact-checking process (she actually did almost all of it) and was really instrumental in making Pussypedia inclusive. Michael, who is the Head of Product Design at Etsy, led the UX design process for us.

Who did you have in mind when were designing the site? Did you have a specific user in mind?

Everyone! We literally tried to design Pussypedia to be accessible to all people. I also used my teenage self for inspiration because I had an extremely short attention span and I struggled to read long-form content (and still do). My parents were told I had learning disabilities, but I’ve never been formally diagnosed.

With all of those things in mind, we do our best to make sure our content is simple, non-distracting, non-triggering and at a sixth grade reading level.

One really important decision we made early on was to work with an Inclusion Consultant, Dr. Danielle Sheypuk (PhD). She’s a Clinical Psychologist, Inclusion Consultant, Disability-Advocate, TEDx Speaker and sexpert. After reviewing our site and content, she provided us with a series of recommendations and suggestions that helped us make Pussypedia more inclusive and accessible.

Our goal to be inclusive is also reflected in our writers guide. Our guidelines require plain, simple and inclusive language. The same guidelines are applied to our visuals. There’s a description of what we want our tone to be in our writers guide: Informal, but informed. Frank but friendly. Calm, but firm. Joyful whenever possible.

image of a door between two legsWhat inspired your choice to use the word “pussy” and the phrase “people with pussies”?

This was probably one of the important decisions we made. We wanted to make a site that was inclusive of all genders. And the word “pussy” was appealing [to us] because it doesn’t have an actual anatomical definition, so it felt like a blank slate.

We saw this as an opportunity to be expansive and inclusive at the same time. For example, we were able to include testes into our definition of pussy. So far, the decision has been well received; we’ve gotten lots of positive feedback from our readers about our definition.

In your own words, what does Pussypedia uniquely offer its users?

There are a few features that make our site unique. We have an interactive, 3D model. It’s an aggregation of the best of fact-checked reproductive/sexual health content available on the internet.

Another unique feature is our use of a footnote system. The purpose is to make it really easy for our readers to follow the information back to the original source(s). By doing this, we hope to empower our readers to be more informed consumers of information — even if it’s somewhat passively. Eventually, we hope this level of care can become the standard for our readers. We want people to recognize the importance of transparency and fact-based content.

I noticed is that the content on Pussypedia isn’t just translated from English to Spanish; it’s localized and representative of the diversity within the Latinx community.

Yeah! Spanish varies so much and words often mean different things to different people based on where they’re from. We wanted people to write informally, and we wanted it to sound like their voice. The idea was to be informal, but informed.

I didn’t know whether to ask people to defer to more or less localized slang. But then I was just like, screw that. Let everybody use their own. We wanted to get a wide range and a mix but with some of the scientific language being translated, we had to be really careful and more nuanced about that.

One of the many things I appreciate about Pussypedia is the integrity of your content. What criteria do you use when you’re sourcing resources for your content?

We don’t blindly promote or include any and every medical journal article. We want it to be high quality content so we consider variables such as funding, the language being used, the date and accuracy, and who is publishing it. There’s not really a series of hard metrics; there’s a list we use when we have people looking for resources.

We have volunteers with diverse skill sets and expertise who go through and vet articles after we’ve sourced and added them. We had sex educators who helped us edit for sex-positive language. We had health and medical professionals who helped us translate medical jargon. We also had public health professionals and academics who verified the correct use and context of scientific language being translated.

How did you get connected with Scarleteen?

My dad’s ex-girlfriend knew Heather [the founder of Scarleteen] and reached out on my behalf. Then I wrote Heather and we [met up]. I knew about Scarleteen, but it wasn’t until I started trying to find reliable sources for our site and trying to curate quality content, that I understood how special and amazing Scarleteen is.

Tell us more about the development of your strategic partnership with Scarleteen and how it’s beneficial to readers?

We believe Scarleteen is truly is the best of the best, so we feel good about being able to refer our readers (who are predominantly Spanish-speaking) to a trustworthy resource. And on the flipside, Scarleteen gets to have some of their content translated by us. At the end of the day, this is all being done totally in service to our readers and the rest of the world.

It has been inspiring to to partner with Scarleteen and work up close and personal with Heather. Seeing the dedication, commitment to thoughtfulness and the standards that Scarleteen has around the content being created or shared is very helpful.

You’ve hosted a couple of translate-a-thons. What is it and what does that entail? I’m not sure who was the first to come up with the concept but it’s basically an organized meet-up where a bunch of people come together to translate text and other materials from one language to another.

Since we had a bunch of stuff that needed to be translated in a short time, I organized two meet-ups and the rest is history. The first one was dedicated to collecting resources for our site; we called it “The Great Internet Pussy Hunt.” The second was dedicated to translating some of Scarleteen’s content from English to Spanish.

Do you plan to expand or translate content into additional languages?

Yes! We’re really excited and already on our way to translating our site into French. As of right now, we have 10 articles translated. I’m looking for partner publications in French that would be willing to publish Pussypedia. I’ve probably emailed every reproductive health nonprofit and every Francophone country in Africa. We also have volunteers willing to translate in Swahili.

What kind of traction have you had on the site thus far?

We’ve surpassed 300,000 unique visitors! More than half our readership is coming from Mexico. Naturally, we have visitors from Spanish speaking countries throughout Latin America, including Brazil. We’ve basically had visitors from every country in the world except for Syria, North Korea and Greenland.

Of all of those locations, which were you most surprised to see readers coming from?

Tanzania,Thailand, Vietnam and India! It made me really emotional. It’s pretty wild.

What has been the biggest surprise or lesson learned so far since getting this project off the ground?

The slow, horrifying realization that I had taken on something that was massive. Way more massive than I ever thought.

What’s been the reception of Pussypedia among native Spanish speakers in Mexico, and the rest of Latin America?

It’s all been really positive. The locals are very receptive and enthusiastic but really, we’re getting a lot of love from all over and we’re so thankful.

Which resources are the most popular on your site? And why?

The discharge article is hands down the most popular for sure! I think it’s because everyone has it, but we don’t always talk about it. But it may also be compounded by the fact that the discharge illustration is awesome. Runner-ups are probably the articles about masturbation and sex.

What’s your favorite thing about Pussypedia?

That Pussypedia is community-sourced. Every article is written, translated, fact-checked, edited and illustrated by a team of people. People can feel confident knowing that everything they read on our site has been reviewed by at least five people, not just one.

What’s the value to the reader of your site being community-sourced?

It’s beautiful that all these people gave their time, energy and expertise to making Pussypedia a reality. Everyone contributed because they wanted it to happen for everybody. It’s like one step past the Wikipedia model. I say that because of my role in curation. If you go to Wikipedia, it’s an open-source content model where anyone can add to the content. Ours is more of a more coordinated process that involves quality assurance. *

Is there anything else you want the Scarleteen readers to know about Pussypedia? We want it to communicate, without any words, that we’re a resource that is anti-shame.

Pussypedia is a place where people can come to find reliable information while also experience joy and happiness. Ultimately we want people to love their bodies.

We also do little, tedious things that make a big difference. For example, we do our due diligence on authorship and make sure that all of our content is factual and up-to-date. We are committed to investing extra time and effort into tracing paraphrased content back to its original source/author. We also take into consideration if someone’s research is paid for by big pharma [pharmaceutical corporations] or if it was published independently. We do all of this so our readers don’t have to.

To learn more about Pussypedia, check out their site and/or their social media:

Editor’s note: Which is quite a lot like the Our Bodies, Ourselves model which was started back in the late 1960s!

Pussypedia logo
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Getting to Know Your “New Normal”: Tips for Sex When You Have Pelvic Pain

Nicole GuapponeIt can be incredibly frustrating when a part of the body we strongly associate with, and expect to give us, pleasure ends up causing us chronic pain. If you have chronic pelvic pain, what do you do if you want to get sexual with yourself…

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