Dr Harmony’s Introduction to Kink Book of the Month January

Dr. Harmony’s Recommended Reading for an Introduction to Kink for Professionals Fundamentals Working with Kinky Clients: A Clinicians’ Manual With the advent of the Internet, those who participate in alternative forms of relationship, gender, and sexual expression have come together as a community and have created a new sexual minority subculture. The clinical needs of …

Read moreIntroduction to Kink for Professionals

Couples in Conflict:The Top Three Articles for Conflict and Repair

Manage Conflict: The Six Skills Today on the Gottman Relationship Blog, we continue the discussion of Manage Conflict by introducing Dr. Gottman’s six skills of conflict management. Many of us connect all too well with comedian Mitch Hedberg’s feelings when he quips, “I got in an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That’s a bad […] More

Intimacy

Therapist Nicki discusses different types of intimacy couples, families, groups, etc can share with one another.

Talking to the Shadow

A topic was brought up briefly today and I want to explore it a little further in this blog post. Everyone has many facets to their personalities, different selves. One being the “dark side”, the dark passenger, or shadow self. In the Wiccan traditions, I have worked with getting in touch with the shadow self is essential to growing as a magickal practitioner. No, I did not spell magick wrong. Magick is different from magic. Magic is the stage show and slight of hand tricks. Magick refers to energy exchange, spell-work, and ritual work commonly found among Pagan religions.  Speaking from my personal experience if I did not work on my shadow self I would not be able to connect fully with myself, others, or the spiritual planes. We all think dark thoughts and we are all capable of dark things. Dark does not mean bad; when I say dark I am speaking of things like violence and death, which is not necessarily bad. Violence and death can be bad under certain circumstances like mugging and be killing someone for no reason. Violence and death can also be a blessing like if a police officer is stopping a domestic violence situation. Also, death is part of the cycle of creation and destruction. So to me, everything is on a spectrum, everything is gray, there is no black or white. To understand my higher self I need to explore my lower self. Exploring your shadow self or dark passenger can be scary and uncomfortable at the same time it is therapeutic to understand all parts of you. Once you understand something some of the fear goes away. Notice I said some fear goes away; it is good to have a healthy fear and understanding of the darker side of your being.This is a form of respect and acknowledgment of the power the shadow self-does have and is capable of if/when released out into the world.  It is healthy to meditate and have rituals of connection with all parts of your being (especially the darker parts) because if you can connect with yourself you have a greater chance and understanding of how to connect with others. In the sense that my weirdness understands and accepts your weirdness. If you would like to know more about connecting with your darker parts please feel free to contact me at 678-964-4739 or [email protected]

Book recommendation for rituals of connection with the Shadow Self:

Dark Moon Mysteries: Wisdom, Power, and Magic of the Shadow World  by Timothy Roderick

Link: https://www.amazon.com/Dark-Moon-Mysteries-Wisdom-Shadow/dp/0738747211?SubscriptionId=AKIAJ2F6RDUSIYCWQMFQ&tag=sa-b2c-20&linkCode=xm2&camp=2025&creative=165953&creativeASIN=0738747211

Sex Therapy and Clinical Sexology

 Couples Counseling – Sex Therapy All couples go through stages where they don’t feel they have the time or energy for regular sex with their partner. Many couples realize that they need help as it is something that is becoming consistent in their lifestyle. Sex therapy can help couples to rediscover their sex life and improve their relationship with […] More

Basic Dungeon Etiquette

Dr. Harmony’s Basic Dungeon Etiquette Many of the rules that involve nudity and sex are dependent on the country, state, …

Read moreBasic Dungeon Etiquette

More

The Advantages of a Cuddle Buddy

The Advantage of a Cuddle Buddy

Have you ever felt that feeling of cloistered peace within a night’s rest, listening to the drifting wind or the soothing rain? That warm sensation that you are watched over, safe and not alone? Perhaps the comforting cuddling of another, despite the struggles and turmoils of the day by day. This elusive ideal sensation of peacetime, of relaxation. It should belong to all, as it astronomically improves one’s well being, and attitude towards life. But what is one to do in the cold, when there is no other to aid in this feeling? Perhaps it may be received as juvenile, rejected, or unsettling, but the positive results are positively undeniable. The solution is to cuddle inanimate, comfortable objects in the absence of another. Sometimes, it is even more advantageous to cuddle inanimate objects in the presence of another partner. Why is this the case? There are two answers to this question, however. The secular advantage, in the chemical balance of the body, or perhaps the more personal perspective from that of one’s own actions. Examining the secular advantage to inanimate cuddling is the simple act of endorphin stimulation. The comforting touch of another, be it inanimate or otherwise, is of a healing process that aids in the reinforcement of safe feelings. This act of routine or occasional relaxation provides a necessary reprieve from the day to day stresses of the singular individual. Although it may seem tacky, it allows one to revisit the instinctive comforts of youth and safety, and allows for a better sense of security overall. The continuous, unchecked anxiety of the individual unconcerned for their own wellbeing can be detrimental to daily life, so it is imperative to keep the anxiety in check and take care of it. When looking from the personal experience perspective, the advantage of such cuddling and relief, be it an object or person, is not totally obvious. Some find it warm, unsettling, or perhaps lack the experience of such practice. But it cannot be denied the relief when, faced with monstrous and overwhelming obstacles, that one simple hug from the correct individual may grant one the strength to persevere and continue to provide their best in the trials ahead. That correct hug, that promise of safety, can be provided by something like a doll or teddy as well if preferred.  There is nothing shameful or condemnable about self-help. It is the responsibility of yourself to tend to yourself and soothe using the tooths that are available to you.   

Relationship and Sex Contracts

Why a Sex or Relationship Contract?

An great conversation starter – many couples never express their sexual wants and needs, even though they truly want to. Just bringing up the topic can be daunting. Going through a Sex Contract together is a fun way to get started. It brings up the topics for you!

Motivates you to explore – includes plenty of saucy ideas. Use the Negotiation Sheet to create, talk about and plan your sexy adventures.

Keeps your eye on the “prize” – with all the daily grind stuff that gets in the way, having a mutually enticing agreement ensures you prioritize time for erotic encounters.

Keeps you talking – a main reason why relationships fail is couples not communicating about these crucial issues. A sex contract brings up all the essential topics and makes the process fun, easy and even sexy.

Writing a Contract is the best way to:

♦ Bring up and discuss your needs, wants, desires and expectations;
♦ Set down your goals, rules, rights, responsibilities and limits;
♦ Know where you stand;
♦ Prioritize intimacy and sexual exploration;
♦ Review your progress and make changes to reflect your exploration;
♦ Formalize your commitment (please note an Erotic Contract is NOT legally binding). It is a tool to help guide your relationship.

Why have a Contract for Casual Sex?

It’s fun & raunchy! Plus you can set clear boundaries and make your intentions known from the start by signing a mutually beneficial contract. When you engage in sexual intimacy with someone, emotions run high and the situation can get misread very quickly. Both parties should know and agree that it’s just about casual sex with “no strings” attached.

Even if you verbally agree on this in the beginning, many ‘friends with benefits’ still gradually break the boundaries. Unfortunately, the feelings are usually only one sided and this can lead to potential emotional disaster, and unwanted behavior like stalking. Avoid this and make an agreement for both your sake.

Why a Contract for Casual Sex and Dating?

This agreement is something you can put to the person you are seeing if you’re not exactly sure where you both stand. It’s specifically designed to empower you both to discuss your needs and wants. It’s flexible enough to provide for just casual sex but also to develop into something more if the desire is there.

When you first begin seeing someone it can be extremely difficult to judge the other person’s intentions. Excitement is running high and sometimes meanings can be misjudged. What does the other person want? What do I want? Communication can be difficult even among long-term couples. That’s why it’s best to outline your intentions right from the start. There are restrictions in the agreement on what you can do and ask of one another. When someone is denied of taking a relationship further, it may just make them want it more.

So, whoever gets stronger feelings will want to end this agreement and will want to begin a new one at the next level (a relationship). That means if either party has feelings for the other, your arrangement won’t last long as a casual thing. The agreement will either come to an end completely or it may signal the beginning of something new. Either way, the idea is to enable you to end casual sex early enough for neither party to get hurt. It’s an excellent way to speed up communication and gives both parties a position of power. Whatever you want out of the deal, this contract can get if for you. Good luck and have fun!

What’s a Kinky Contract?

Are you looking to add some kink to your relationship?

Do you fantasize about taking control or being dominated?

Well, there’s never been a better time to get into it. But where do you start?

The best place to start is to discuss what you’d both like. Talk about your needs, wants and also your dislikes (limits). Many people just dive into the experience and expect their partner to automatically know these things. Don’t fall into this trap…it’s a recipe for disappointment.

If your partner is not a mind reader, you’ll need to have a chat first.

Rather than just fumble your way through it, try our Kinky Contract to start the conversation!

It’s a great way of bringing up the topic and to talk about those fantasies you may otherwise leave dormant and unfulfilled.

It doesn’t have to be a formal discussion. Make it as fun and hot as you like. What conversation could be more piquant and erotic than talking about what you’d like to do to each other (or have done to you).

The Kinky Contract is a legal style document that helps couples set up their own dominant/submissive arrangement (whether in or outside of the bedroom or both).

What is the power of jealousy?

What is jealousy, and how does it come about to affect us so harshly whenever we become plagued in it’s harsh throes? This emotion that drives us to become green with envy is something that is a common problem for a variety of relationships, even those not of romantic roots. It stirs resentment, stews with anger and greed, and brings about the worst within ourselves, hurting even the ones we care about. But, what is it?

Jealousy, in the secular definition, is the general feelings of insecurities, anxieties, and concerns over a lack of possession over something. This something changes depending on context. For instance one can be jealous of a friend for getting the job you wanted, or maybe jealous of someone else’s wealth compared to yours. In this context, however, it refers to the insecurity that wracks the mind when one’s ‘possession’ of a bond with another is threatened. This threatening can be from perhaps a distance created from conflict, or a sudden change that causes one to feel insecure. No matter the circumstance, the feeling is malignant and causes one to shut down from opening up, emotionally or otherwise.

When jealousy arises in a relationship, it can be expressed unconsciously through many mediums: anger, lashing out, overprotectiveness, unfair treatment, harshness, and more. When a partner begins to start lashing out with negative emotion, it is vitally important to identify it, and communicate the feeling. Being green with envy creates subconscious resentment, which is a spreading crack that can poison a bond, no matter how much effort is undergone to mend it completely once suffered. It is not unfair to feel jealousy in of itself. Emotion is emotion, and cannot be faulted, no matter the person, as we all share emotions and are made all the more human by it. However, it is important to remember that lashing out because of jealousy is unfair in a relationship, and should be addressed immediately when noticed.

Jealousy is a terrible emotion that acts as a scourge on a relationship, however it does not warrant complete rejection either. Each person has felt, or will feel jealousy alongside numerous other malicious emotions that come along with developing emotional experience. Emotions and life in general can be surmised in the infamous phrase of Charles Dickens: “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times”. It is important to realize that it is a necessity, in order to have a healthy bond with someone, to acknowledge the existence of jealousy between the members in the relationship, and that it is a normal behavior. The point at which jealousy becomes unfair, and unkind, is when the person lashes out, acting on it harshly, out of fear.

One of the hardest things in order to do as part of a relationship of all is it learn to let go. When your partner is doing things that they enjoy, or have to do, you must learn to trust them and let them go in order to let them grow. No matter the jealousy you feel, no matter the feelings of anguish and anxiety, you must learn to trust and let them be. Jealousy will cause you to feel as if you’ve an entitlement to their undivided attention, but is unhealthy for anyone involved. Let them live as a person, and you can cherish them upon their return. That is the essence of overcoming the green plague of jealousy: learn to let go and trust.


The Jealousy Workbook: Exercises and Insights for Managing Open Relationships

What Makes Crescendo Different?

Crescendo is different from any other vibrator on the market. When you buy a Crescendo, you aren’t just buying a traditional vibrator. You’re buying one that was created with the unique nature of every woman’s body in mind. This is not another hard plastic vibrator that just doesn’t quite hit the right spot or the right speeds. Instead, it can be adapted to fit the needs of a specific woman, making it the perfect way to bring more pleasure to solo pleasure sessions and partner sessions alike.

Just how is Crescendo different? Consider these important features.

1. Crescendo is adaptable and flexible so it can be shaped to fit your body.

Crescendo flexible

Unlike other vibrators, Crescendo can easily be shaped to reach your g-spot or positioned perfectly to hit your clitoris while still offering the internal stimulation you crave. You aren’t stuck with a single shape that might or might not fit the needs of your body; instead, you can shape Crescendo to you. Want something a little different for a specific pleasure session? Crescendo is easy to reshape. In essence, it’s many different vibrators, all in one convenient package. 

Thanks to its flexibility, Crescendo is easy to use solo or with a partner, during foreplay and/or intercourse. It can be bent and adapted to allow for maximum pleasure and comfort for both parties, delivering vibration and stimulation where you want it most. For the female, Crescendo can be positioned to offer clitoral, vaginal, or anal stimulation during sex. If you and your partner are both women, you can insert Crescendo in both of you at the same time, delivering high-quality vibrations in a way that will maximize your pleasure. 

That flexibility also makes Crescendo ideal for everyone. It’s equally usable for every gender and can be adapted into any shape to fit you, your partner, or both of you together. It can curve into an S shape to hit both g-spot and clitoris, curve around the head of the penis, or deliver anal stimulation, all by simply adapting the shape of the device. It’s a revolutionary, market-changing product that has the ability to change the way you see your vibrator–and the way you use it.

2. Crescendo offers six powerful motors.

Instead of a single motor that powers the entire device, Crescendo offers six individual motors, which means you can maximize your pleasure in every session. Six motors means six points of vibration, all of which can be customized. Want a different intensity or vibration pattern on your clitoris than you do your g-spot? You can use the app to customize which vibration is in which motor, which means you’ll always be able to get exactly the experience you’re looking for. 

Thanks to those six motors, you can also change where the vibration hits and when. Select a vibration pattern that moves up and down Crescendo to ramp up your excitement. Continue teasing yourself or move the vibration into place where you want it most. You can turn off motors that aren’t delivering the experience you want or leave them all active to stimulate everywhere Crescendo touches at the same time. 

Crescendo’s adaptability also makes it perfect when you’re using it during sex with your partner: since you can customize each of the six motors individually, if you have Crescendo positioned to deliver stimulation to both of you at the same time, you’ll be able to offer the level of stimulation that each partner prefers without compromising the pleasure of the other partner. One of you likes it intense and the other likes it softer? Crescendo can deliver the ideal stimulation to either partner at the same time. 

3. Crescendo has 12 preset vibrations and 16 levels of intensity.

Crescendo featuresSome women prefer continuous vibrations at a high level of intensity. Others prefer less predictable patterns at a lower level of intensity. Luckily, Crescendo takes that into consideration. When you use Crescendo, you get plenty of options to customize your session. It’s perfect for creating exactly what you want for a solo masturbation session, then adapting your vibrations for use with your partner. Not only that, you can experiment to discover new things that you like.

Many other vibrators come with relatively limited options. Some offer only a single level of vibration, while others offer one or two intensity levels or pattern changes. With Crescendo, on the other hand, you get a full range of vibrations and intensities, which means that you can find the combination that works perfectly to maximize your sexual pleasure. You can draw it out with a lower intensity and less frequent vibrations, or work your way up to the highest intensity level and a continuous vibration setting that delivers pleasure exactly where you need it most. In short, Crescendo offers the whole package.

Don’t worry, however, that you might accidentally change your settings mid-session. By pressing and holding down both the + and – buttons at the same time for 3 seconds, you can lock Crescendo’s current settings, allowing you to continue with your pleasure session without the risk that you’ll accidentally disrupt your pleasure in a moment of passion or allow something to get in the way.

4. Crescendo’s app allows for a fully customized experience.

The app comes with over 40 additional vibration patterns that you can download, or you can create your own custom vibration patterns. Control it yourself with ease or let your partner control your pleasure by handing over your connected device and letting them take control. They can deliver pleasure straight to your g-spot or prostate or shift vibration to different motors to keep you on the edge and begging for more. The app works perfectly as long as you’re within 10 feet of the device, so your partner can even control your pleasure from across the room, keeping you guessing or adding to your pleasure while also engaged with other tasks. 

Thanks to the app, you can also save the settings that work best for you. With so many options to choose from, it would be easy to forget which combination delivered the best mind-blowing pleasure in a specific scenario. Thanks to the app, however, you can save the combinations that work best for you with a description that lets you know exactly what they were from–and allows you to get back to them quickly!

5. Crescendo is designed to charge wirelessly.

In just 45 minutes, you can have a full charge that will deliver up to 2 hours of pleasure. The wireless charging option means that there are no ports or holes to worry about, and nothing that can interfere with your pleasure or the comfort and function of your device. With convenience at the top of the priority list, Crescendo truly delivers. With two hours of playtime every time you fully charge your device, you can use Crescendo throughout your play sessions or use it to help you lie back and relax. It won’t wear out before you do! Crescendo will continue to deliver the same intense sensations throughout the whole of your play, unlike many other battery-operated devices, which may deliver more intense vibrations only when they have a fresh set of batteries. 

6. Crescendo is fully waterproof and safe for the shower or tub.

Anywhere you can go, Crescendo can go along with you. It’s fully waterproof, with no holes or charging ports that could cause your device to short out if you use it in the water. As a result, you can easily take Crescendo into the shower or tub. This makes Crescendo ideal for use in pelvic floor therapy or when you want to lie back in the warm water and let those vibrations carry you away. Since it’s completely sealed, it’s safe to use either end of the device in your play or to expose the device to water at any point. 

Being fully waterproof also means that Crescendo is easy to clean. You should always clean your vibrator after every session, whether solo or with a partner. Use simple soap and water or purchase a cleaner specifically for your sex toys: either option will ensure that your Crescendo is clean and ready for use in your next session. 

Made of premium silicone, Crescendo is a high-quality product that is safe for insertion and designed to last. Many people question why they would invest in Crescendo when they could choose a less expensive vibrator instead. The answer is simple: you get what you pay for. There is no substitute for the high-quality material and technology that goes into every Crescendo product. Each one is designed to deliver maximum stimulation and pleasure to each user. 

MysteryVibe acknowledges that every body is different–and Crescendo is designed with exactly that in mind. With so many different options to choose from, Crescendo is the ideal vibrator for all your needs.