It’s simple. Better communication means better sex. Being able to express what works and what doesn’t work for you to your partner is vital in the bedroom for consent and for pleasure. But what if being verbal between the sheets is a new thing for you? Check out these tips to get your words flowing and your voice heard.
Incorporate Sound Into Your Masturbation Sessions
If you find yourself making no noise during sex, jumping in to forming words during your next romp can seem overwhelming. Ease yourself into the idea of being vocal by exploring during masturbation. Try to exaggerate sounds that come naturally, really focusing on being in the moment rather than what you sound like. It can simply start was exaggerating your breathing or vocalizing your exhales. Just don’t force it.
Find The Words That Make You Uncomfortable And Use Them
There are some words that roll of the tongue easier than others. For some they can be anatomy related terms like ‘vagina’, ‘anus’, or ‘nipples’. Others may struggle with verbs like ‘suck’, ‘lick’, or ‘penetrate’. Find those words, practice them, and explore how you can adjust them to make them feel more comfortable. Maybe you prefer ‘pussy’ over ‘vulva’ or ‘cock’ or ‘penis’. Whatever works for you!
Talk About Sex Outside The Bedroom
Talk about sex! It’s important to normalize sex in your regular conversation to be able to elaborate on the conversation you have in the bedroom. Talk about sex with you partner, with your friends, with your therapist, with anyone it’s appropriate to speak with about it.
Play Music During Sex
Playing your favorite sexy tunes during sex can help the communication flow more freely. It can be intimidating breaking a silence to say something, so having a little background music can be helpful. Make yourself a playlist of feel good tunes that aren’t distracting to be the background music for your next sexy encounter.
Start With The Basics
Don’t expect yourself to string together eloquent sentences during sex. Start with the basics ‘yes’ and ‘no’ when you’re learning how to communicate to your partner. These simple words are the foundations for more. ‘Yes’ can turn into ‘Yes, that feels good’, while ‘No’ can expand to ‘No, but let’s try this’.
Don’t Imitate – Communicate
Porn can be a helpful aid in a society that lacks in adequate sexual education, however the goal shouldn’t be to imitate what you see. Porn performers are doing exactly that – performing. Make the sex you have less of a performance, voicing the sounds and words that come naturally, in the moment.
There are tons of books, blogs, and articles on how to talk dirty, but it doesn’t have to be such a complicated subject. Dirty talk can be anything you want it to be. Try describing a sexy fantasy you’ve had or porn you recently enjoyed. Take the reigns and tell your partner what you want them to do you (or what you’d love to do to them). And yes, dirty talk can be hot, but if it’s not your thing, that’s ok to!
Verbal communication is not only way to express how you feel to your partner. Body language is great way to express what you’re feeling to a partner. A subtle move of your body or guiding your partner’s hand can work better than words in some instances.
Try Out New Things
Trying out new techniques, toys, and activities require a conversation to happen before, during, and after. If you find you and your partner are on autopilot, trying out a new exploration can get you talking again. Begin by sitting down with your partner to watch a new porn or select a new toy to play with.