BDSM and Kink

BDSM is an acronym that stands for: bondage & discipline, dominance & submission, and sadism & masochism. Whether you consider yourself a long-time participant in the BDSM scene — or just want to dip your bits into the world of kinky sex toys, we have the products for. Here we dive into the world of bondage sex toys and BDSM supplies, giving you a broad overview of the most common kink gear you’re likely to come across.

What are Pervertables and the Pros of Using Them?

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So this is one of my favorite topics, prevertables. A prevertable is taking an everyday average object and using it for sex play. I have several videos giving examples at various stores from the Dollar Tree to Rocketfizz (a candy store).  Some simple pervertables are spatulas, neck ties, and wooden spoons.  I love pervertables because it allows for you to be creative with objects in a sexual environment. One of the most interesting pervertables I have seen is a glass swizzle stick used for urethral sounding. Urethral sounding involves inserting a toy into the urethra.  Below are some of the  Pros for using prevertables.

  1. Low Cost. They are relatively inexpensive. You can go to the dollar store and spend $5 to get several items for a play scene.
  2. Discretion. These are everyday objects so they can hide in plain sight. Your mother could come over and see a set of wooden spoons in the bedroom or living room and it would not raise questions about your bedroom life.
  3. Discardable.  Pervertables are usually so inexpensive that if they get particular bodily fluids on them you are throw them without the financial guilt.
  4. Notoriety. If you take a unique item to a party you will get noticed such as a rubber chicken or electric fly swatter.
  5. Easy to Find. Pervertables are EVERYWHERE. Look at the items in your room and imagine how they would feel on your skin or sensation they could bring to your sex play. What kind of sensation they would create if they were applied to given parts of the body, be it a nipple, a muscle, genitals — anywhere?

Just remember that pervertables are, by their very nature, not designed for sex play. Be aware of the possible risks — if an adapted toy were to break or splinter while in use, for example — and plan accordingly. R.A.C.K. Risk Aware Consensual Kink.

Below are the links to the various videos we have for pervertables.

Links:

Sex Positive Academy
Halloween Prevertables
Dollar Store Prevertables

Help! My Parents Found Out I am into BDSM

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Question: I am an 18 year old and my parents found out I am into BDSM. They insist BDSM is demented and only “crazy people” engage in it. What do I do?

Number one is you are not “crazy” or “demented” for engaging in BDSM and you are a legal consenting adult in the United States. There is also nothing wrong with young person exploring their sexuality and sex preferences. Some Individuals talk about it as if there is something wrong with it, or wrong with people who are interested in enjoying BDSM. Usually theses people who think it’s wrong have not heard about it properly, or think that various kinds of sexuality are wrong.

Wanting to experience or give some kinds of sensations, and/or wanting to explore different kinds of wielding or giving power with someone, is absolutely okay. What’s important is caring about everyone’s physical, mental and emotional health, well-being, and safety; and not wanting to do anything against the other person’s wishes or that would actually harm someone.

Some people get very jumpy and concerned about the idea of younger people being interested in BDSM, and that’s mostly because of a few misunderstandings. First, some people have trouble with the idea that young people have any kind of sexuality or sexual feelings, and think that maybe the whole topic of sexuality is wrong or inappropriate because of age.

Some people do realize that they’re interested in BDSM while they’re still fairly young. You’re definitely not alone! It doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong or strange about you. It’s natural for people to become aware of their own interests and preferences over a very big range of ages, and different people will discover different things about their own self at very different ages.

Here is are some research findings for individuals who do engage in BDSM. Which you can use to educate your parents if you wish. I would gauge whether or not they would be open to learning about the over view of power exchange before pushing it onto them. If they are not open to learning then it will be a boundary you need to set with them; that the topic of your sex life is off limits for conversation unless they are willing to listen with the intention of understanding. You can also shut down the topic of conversation entirely. I would also explain that shame you for your sexual preferences in teaching you that it is not okay to be different and have the freedom to express yourself. Which means they are not safe people to come to if you have questions or concerns surrounding this topic or relationships.

Is BDSM Mentally Healthy?

Is an interest in kink a mental disorder?

No. Early psychologists viewed BDSM-related interests as pathological—leading many in the kink community to feel intense shame about their desires. Today, however, many researchers and clinicians acknowledge that BDSM can be part of healthy sexual expression. However, if the interests and behaviors involve non-consenting parties or cause the individual distress, they may indicate a mental health disorder. A substantial amount of research literature shows that BDSM players are no more likely than the general population to suffer psychiatric problems, and they have no psychological disorders unique to their kinky proclivities:

  • A Los Angeles investigator administered standard psychological tests to several hundred BDSM aficionados and concluded they were mentally healthy. 
  • Australian researchers surveyed 19,370 Aussies aged 16 to 59. Among the 2.2 percent of men and 1.3 percent of women who called themselves committed to BDSM, all tested psychologically healthy and reported no disproportionate history of childhood sexual abuse or any sexual trauma.  
  • University of Illinois scientists took before and after saliva samples from 58 BDSM players, measuring their levels of the stress hormone cortisol. After BDSM scenes, their cortisol levels decreased significantly, showing that their BDSM play had reduced their stress.
  • Dutch researchers gave standard personality tests to 902 BDSM players and 434 controls. The same proportions of both groups tested psychologically healthy, but the kinksters were “less neurotic, more conscientious, more extroverted, more open to new experiences, less sensitive to rejection, and showed greater subjective well-being.” Those who scored most mentally healthy were the doms, followed by the subs, and in the last place, the conventionally sexual (vanilla) controls.          
  • Finally, researchers at Idaho State University asked 935 kinksters what BDSM meant to them: personal freedom (90 percent), adventure (91 percent), self-expression (91 percent), stress relief (91 percent), positive emotions (97 percent), and above all, pleasure (99 percent).        

BDSM players are a cross-section of the population, the people next door, mentally healthy and typical in every respect—except that they find vanilla sex unfulfilling and want something more exciting and intimate.

References

Bezreh, T., Weinberg, T. S., & Edgar, T. (2012). BDSM Disclosure and Stigma Management: Identifying Opportunities for Sex Education. American Journal of Sexuality Education, 7(1), 37-61. doi: 10.1080/15546128.2012.650984

Bourdage, J. S., Lee, K., Ashton, M. C., & Perry, A. (2007). Big Five and HEXACO model personality correlates of sexuality. Personality and Individual Differences, 43(6), 1506-1516. doi: http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0191886907001584

Gaither, G. A., & Sellbom, M. (2003). The Sexual Sensation Seeking Scale: Reliablity and Validity Within a Heterosexual College Student Sample. Journal of Personality Assessment, 81(2), 157-167. doi: 10.1207/s15327752jpa8102_07

Malouff, J. M., Thorsteinsson, E. B., & Schutte, N. S. (2005). The Relationship Between the Five-Factor Model of Personality and Symptoms of Clinical Disorders: A Meta-Analysis. Journal of Psychopathology and Behavioral Assessment, 27(2), 101-114.

Richters, J., De Visser, R. O., Rissel, C. E., Grulich, A. E., & Smith, A. M. A. (2008). Demographic and Psychosocial Features of Participants in Bondage and Discipline, “Sadomasochism” or Dominance and Submission (BDSM): Data from a National Survey. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 5(7), 1660-1668. doi: 10.1111/j.1743-6109.2008.00795.x

Wismeijer, A., & van Assen, M. (2008). Do neuroticism and extraversion explain the negative association between self-concealment and subjective well-being? Personality and Individual Differences, 45(5), 345-349. doi: http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2008.05.002

Wismeijer, A. A. J., & van Assen, M. A. L. M. (2013). Psychological Characteristics of BDSM Practitioners. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, n/a-n/a. doi: 10.1111/jsm.12192

Scat Play: Is it normal? Who uses it?

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By: Therapist Nicki

Question: Is scat play a normal interest? Also who engages in scat play?

First thing is first, normal is a setting on an appliance or a bell curve graph. All people are different and will be into different kinks, scat play happens to be one of them. Just like impact play, blood play, or water sports. If you are looking to discuss this kink with a professional I work look on the kink professional directory. (I will put the link at the bottom of the page.) Working with a kink aware professional will take some of the stigma away when discussing these matters because they are familiar with majority of the fetishes and kinks. There is nothing wrong with wanting to find an individual or individuals that share your love and interest in scat. They are out there. This is a fairly well-known fetish. There are even dating and discussion sites dedicated to scat play called scatsingles.com and scat.com. There are also discussion threads dedicated to scat on fetlife.com. One individual has stated it is honoring a piece of person either by ingesting or playing with scat.

For individuals reading this blog and need an explanation on scat play. Coprophagia aka scat play is the practice of eating your own or another person’s feces. Coprophagia is often a component of the wider term coprophilia, which refers to getting sexual pleasure from the excretion of human feces, whether it’s from the smell, touch, taste or sight. Scat is another term for feces, and scat sex or scat play refers to using scat in sexual activities. Although playing with someone’s scat is generally regarded as safe if proper protection is used (think latex gloves, plastic wrap, dental dams, washing with soap before and after sex), eating someone else’s scat can greatly increase one’s risk of parasitic, bacterial, and viral infections. This does not mean that eating feces is necessarily poisonous or wrong, and there are risks involved with this type of play. Remember RACK, risk aware consensual kink. Below are some safety tips and information to be aware of if anyone would like to engage in scat play.

Shigella, campylobacter, salmonella, and E. coli are four bacteria commonly present in fecal matter. These bacteria, along with parasites like amoebas and giardia, can cause severe diarrhea, abdominal pain and cramping, bloody stools, fever, nausea and vomiting. The viruses hepatitis A and E may also be transmitted through contact with fecal matter. There are very few cases of hepatitis E in the United States, but almost half a million people contract hepatitis A every year (though not always through scat play). Symptoms of hepatitis A are very similar to the ones listed for the bacterial infections, and may also include jaundice, itchiness in parts of the body, and may cause enzymes in the liver to reach critical levels in the body. Relapses may also occur six months to a year after the first symptoms show up. All three types of infections can occur even without eating any scat. If one’s mouth, nose, or any orifice or open cuts or sores touches something that has had contact with the feces (such as kissing an unwashed hand after using the bathroom), then it is possible for s/he/they to become infected as well.

Here are some tips for safe Scat play

  1. Safest to watch the person defecating
  2. Touching the scat with gloved hands
  3. Skin contact with scat use dental dams or cling wrap
  4. Inserting scat into another’s anal or vaginal cavity increases risk
  5. If ingesting, do not eat anything before or after because of micro bacteria and micro abrasions in the mouth. Some take a shot of liquor before and after ingesting to cleanse the mouth.

I hope this helps. Below are the links I mentioned above.

Links:

Kink professionals’ directory

kinkawaretherapists.com/

www.kapprofessionals.org/business-directory-2/

Discussions or Dating

Fetlife.com

Scat.com

Scatsingles.com